Feed the Kiln God
Upload your greenware. Declare your intent.
The Kiln God will decide if your work is worthy.
⚠ The Kiln God answers to no one ⚠
For centuries, potters have left offerings at the mouth of the kiln - small clay figures, whispered prayers, the occasional biscuit - in hope that the Kiln God might look favourably upon their work.
The Digital Kiln brings this ancient tradition into the modern age. Upload a photograph of your unfired piece. Select your desired finish. Submit your offering. Your pot will emerge either blessed beyond all expectation, or blursed to the shard pile.
There are no refunds. There are no appeals. The Kiln God is not interested in your feelings.
Before you approach the flame, the Kiln God requires one thing.
Declare your intent.
The Kiln God is watching. Choose wisely.
⊕
639Offerings
Received
Received
51%Blessed by
the Kiln God
the Kiln God
49%Blursed to
the Shard Pile
the Shard Pile
48.2%Common
Pulls
Pulls
30.2%Uncommon
Pulls
Pulls
16.1%Rare
Pulls
Pulls
3.4%Epic
Pulls
Pulls
2%Legendary
Pulls
Pulls
▸ Recent Verdicts ◂
💀
Uncommon
💀
Epic
💀
Common
🏆
Common
💀
Uncommon
🏆
Common
The Remembered Iron Slip
Oxidation
Decade of Clay in Common Fire
Wood Fire
The Ancient Practice of Borrowed Heat
Oxidation
Attempt of Pulled
Raku
Private Fire No Brief
Oxidation
Earth of Resolute
Reduction
▸ Testimonials from the Fired ◂
"I submitted my best piece - a yunomi I'd been working on for three weeks. The Kiln God blessed it. I have never felt so validated by an algorithm in my life."
"Blursed. Both of them. My instructor says they were my best work yet. The Kiln God and I have very different standards."
"I selected Absolute Submission and I stand by that decision. The Kiln God respected my courage even if it did not respect my bowl."
▸ Questions of a Mortal Nature ◂
How does this work?
You upload a photograph of your unfired piece. You answer a few questions. The Kiln God renders its verdict. Your piece is either blessed or blursed. You get a card. You can download it, share it, or stare at it quietly depending on the outcome. The whole thing takes about two minutes. The Kiln God has been doing this for considerably longer.
Can I influence the outcome?
No. The Kiln God decided before you finished uploading the photo. It may have decided last Tuesday. Submit with humility and accept what comes. Potters who argue with the verdict are noted. They are not treated more favourably the next time.
What is "blursed"?
Blursed is what happens when the Kiln God is displeased. It is not a punishment. It is information. Many of the finest potters alive have extensive blursed records. The Kiln God blurses with compassion. Usually.
My piece came out blessed. Can I put "Kiln God Certified" on my Etsy listing?
Yes. It carries no legal weight in any jurisdiction but its spiritual authority is considerable. The Kiln God is aware of every listing that uses this designation. It is watching. Price accordingly.
My piece came out blursed but my teacher says it is actually good. Who is right?
The Kiln God respects your teacher. It has, however, been in the ceramics business for approximately four thousand years and has seen things your teacher has not. Both things can be true. The piece can be good and still be blursed. The Kiln God operates on a different rubric. It does not explain the rubric.
What are the cards?
Every submission earns a card. The card name comes from the questions you answered. The rarity is decided by the Kiln God independently of everything else - you can answer perfectly and still pull a common. You can answer carelessly and pull a legendary. This is intentional. This is also pottery. Submit again with different answers to pull a different card. The Kiln God has prepared a great many.
Is this real?
The Kiln God is real. The verdict is final. The card is yours. Whether the digital firing itself is "real" in the technical sense is a philosophical question the Kiln God finds tedious. It has rendered its verdict. That is real enough.
What is The Ceramic School?
The Ceramic School is where potters go to get better at the thing that gets them blursed. It has over 200 workshops taught by working studio potters. The Kiln God endorses it, which is the highest endorsement available in the ceramics world. ceramic.school